I have a confession to make, one I’m not proud of.  When I thought one of my senior dogs was failing fast, I started to think about her replacement.  Well, not just think.  I had a breed selected and I started to search for breeders within 100 miles of us.  Well, not just that, I had begun a little list of possible names.  But wait, there’s more – I started searching on Amazon for guides to the breed and put them in my shopping cart under ”saved for later.”

There I said it. I know I am despicable.

It goes on.  One of the attributes of the new dog would be its portability.  So I also was searching Chewy.com for the best airplane carrier.

But then Daisy rallied, as she often does,  even though she is on two medicines for her arthritis, and the vet agrees she has dementia (sure sign apparently, is staring at a blank wall for hours.  (Good thing it’s not staring at a blank computer screen, which is something, as a writer, I frequently do.)  She resumed eating with gusto and anticipating her walks with happy wags. Even playing with her toys.

Of course I was happy.  I swept all my recent guilt-inducing activities under the rug, so to speak, and concentrated on my crazy old girl, who loves people and still hates other dogs.

I will share one more thing because it is vaguely troubling.  One of the medicines Daisy is taking for pain is gabapentin.  It’s an old anti-seizure drug for humans which has gained favor – for canines and humans alike– as a treatment for neuropathic pain.  I order it (they contact your Vet) on 1-800-Petmeds. The first time I did this I had to input my driver’s license information because gabapentin could be considered a controlled substance.  Totally understand that, no problem.

But with this delivery, there came a handy 2-sided page about the drug and potential side effects.  The physical ones I could watch for.  Maybe I could even tell if Daisy was becoming depressed – a stretch.  But the last caveat – could cause suicidal ideation – what the hey?  I’m sure I executed the equivalent of a doggie head tilt when I read that. I pictured Daisy eating chicken bones or chocolate with abandon.  Defiantly running in front of a car, maybe.  Eating too much until her stomach ruptured.   It was all possible. But she would be doing not one of those things for the purpose of offing herself.  Those are just things dogs are wont to do: old dogs, new dogs. big dogs and little dogs. They may be cluelessly reckless, but they are happy to get up each and every morning.  And we should be too. #trueconfessions #bigdoglittledog #deathbychocolate #deathbychickenbone #I’mnotdeadyet #chewy.com #1800PetMeds #doggydowner